Sunday, July 3, 2011

Happy 4th of July

Managed to go an entire 4th of July weekend at work without me having to personally take care of anyone who "burned their nips off" LOL a quote from Angela on Facebook. Though, today I did get the joy of having the psych room today. OMG what is it about every freaking holiday no matter what holiday it is people have to come in for "suicidal ideations" or just plan craziness. I swear it is like they roll in on a bus! Today was 1 of my more stressful days I have had at work in such a long time. We had sick patients that were in pain needing attention while Baker Acts (forced to come to the hospital for a psych evals) came in 1 after another. There were 3 nurses in my assigned area today and we did not catch a break until almost 6pm. 11 hours of strait stress! We were finally calm and all the psych patients were either gone or behaving and all our sick people were gone at 6. Whew! So, I totally ditched the other 2 nurses and begged to leave early. So the good part of today was I clocked out early to go get my babies!

Just as I thought I was doing okay medication free, I suddenly have the urge to take up smoking so very badly. My husband would totally kill me if I ever did, but my parents are chain smokers and that is what I grew up learning. Stressed? Light one up! Ugh! You know when you are so angry you are just shaking inside? That is how I feel A LOT! I'm not angry...well sometimes I am. I just have so much anxiety and I really just need a nice long break...maybe I can go visit the crazy house at work. I would totally be content sitting in a strait jacket in a padded room taking lots of nap time. I think the jacket would be nice and comfortable. Just like on TV. hehe.

It is just been a very stressful couple of weeks. There has been some good, some aggravation, and a lot of stress. I hurt my back last Wednesday. It was so bad that I had to go to the ER to get relief and be like all the other people that come in there. So the back pain had me out for the rest of the week. Then I had to work in pain all weekend. Tonight my back is still sore, but not near as bad. There is just so much I feel needs to be done and I can't do it all myself and I feel like no one around me is helping get it done..though they are. With 10 people in 1 house it is near impossible to keep the house spotless, but I find myself so agitated when it is not clean. My room is the WORST. Nearly every pair of cloths Jack, the kids, and I wear is laying in the middle of my bedroom floor waiting to be put away. Everything feels so cluttered and dirty. I feel like I am living in utter filth when in reality the house is not that bad. I feel like I have to be the one scrubbing the corners of every inch of my house. That it is my job. I feel so angry when things are not clean even though my lazy ass helps make the mess, watches my kids make the mess, and frankly I hardly get off my butt and scrub anything. Ha Ha...but does it count that I mentally really want to. I want to PAINT. I say this all the time. Honestly I don't even want to spend the extra time cleaning things the way I want it clean because I feel like the next day it will be trashed again. I spent HOURS cleaning my bathroom a few weeks ago. I actually half ass scrubbed you can't even tell its been cleaned in years. :-(

Andrew and Jacob's Birthday Party is just 15 days away. Though the very generous gift from a fellow blogger I was able to go to Target last night after work and buy some things for my children for their birthday. Thank You so very much for this gift! Your gift was such a huge help to my family.

Jacob has been on pureed "home made" formula baby food etc for 9 would be 10, but he as at my sister's and I did not make any for him on Sunday. I think I am figuring out the right balance of food and calories for him. I feel nervous and happy all at the same time about this decision. 1st I wonder if the "real food" is really better or worse for him than taking Pediasure or Vital Jr. I know he is getting as many calories as he needs, but is he really getting everything else his body requires? I believe he is, but part of me feels like I am doing the wrong thing because it is so common to just give g-tube fed children pre-made formula. Plus because I have started this without the guidance of a professional etc. He may be getting 2 many calories. Before he got 240cal 4x a day assuming he did not vomit which is only 960 and his current blend is 1166.

Tell me what you think...this is what bis formula consists of: the (...) are the approximant calories

2 cups Lifeway Kefir Whole Milk with live probiotics (300)

1 cup 100% fruit juice (120)

2 tablespoons of olive or canola oil (240)

6 tablespoons of Gerber DHA & Probiotic Cereal (60)

2 6oz Jars of Stage 3 baby food with meat (puree down to liquid) (240)

1 2oz Jar of pureed meat (40)

2 4oz Jars of baby food veggies (80)

2 4oz Jars of baby food fruits (80)

1 ml Enfamil Poly-Vi-Sol Supplement with Iron

2 table spoons Apple Cider Vinegar (4)

1166 calories total

Split into 4 feeds

After last feed I run water over night at 20cc an hour.

He has vomited 1 time since he has started this feed and OMG it is so NASTY!

I found this recipe on the internet from another parent that g-tube feeds their child that is around the same age as mine. I altered the recipe a little bit. I was going to try it for a month.

Even though I never cook healthy wonderful meals nightly for my family, by preparing Jacob's food it makes me feel like it is it is going to help in some way even if it really doesn't. All I know is it stinks and when he burps I am sure probably misses his vanilla formula.

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