Monday, January 30, 2012

Logan's 2 Year Angelversery

This picture was taken from Triplet Butterfly Wings...this is Logan's butterfly

Part of Me...
I thought of you with love today, but that is nothing new.
I thought about you yesterday and the day before that too.
I think of you in silence. I often say your name.
But all I have are memories and your picture in a frame.
Your memory is my keepsake, with which I'll never part.
God has you in His keeping. I have you in my heart.
I shed tears for what might have been. A million times I've cried.
If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died.
In life I loved you dearly. In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place, no one can ever fill.
It broke my heart to lose you, but you didn't go alone.
For part of me went with you, the day God took you home.
-Author unknown
Triplet Butterfly Wings

My dear Logan it has been 2 years since you left us here. I continue to think about you every day. Some days are harder than others. Holidays are hard and sometimes full of tears. This blog will post for you at 1pm...the time I took your trach out to let you go.

This year something  special is happening. You will be a big brother. I wish you were here to see her. Your baby sister is due on May 13th. I promise I will tell her all about you. I will tell her what a brave little boy you are. I will tell her how hard you fought to be here, but how wonderful it must be to live an eternity in Heaven. I will tell her all about God and where you live now. I will tell her how she will meet you one day. I will show her your pictures.

I watch your brothers grow and learn every day and picture what you would be doing with them. Would you have been the mischief maker with Andrew? Would I have 2 crayon artist to color on the walls? Would you be mellow and calm like Jacob? I think about your personality...ha ha I tend to think you would have been coloring walls and climbing on counters with Andrew. :-) If everything was perfect and all 3 of you would have made it out of the NICU alive and neurologically intact..I tend to think Jacob would have been the one telling on you. :-) I can't change the way things are and I continue to trust in God that everything that happens is for a reason. I pray for your new little sister everyday that she makes it to full term. I like to think you are in Heaven waiting for us to get there in eternal bliss not worrying about any heart ache on earth.
I loved you since the day I knew I was pregnant with you and your brothers
That love grew stronger the moment I seen you.....
My heart melted the 1st time I got to hold your tiny body against my heart....
A piece of my heart broke when I had to let you go, but left an imprint on my heart and soul that will be with me forever.

Introducing Baby Gunter #5

A horrible 3D image of your little sister <3

Friday, January 13, 2012

I think we have created a MONSTER...

Jacob has a new found love for the pacifier....I suppose he is getting over his oral step will be to start trying liquids by mouth again. He has absolutely been totally and utterly addicted to the pacifier for a good 2 weeks now. It took me a while to figure out what all his fussiness was about. He was having these little fits even when the Moose was on TV. Then I noticed him rooting around like a baby with his tongue out like a newborn looking for food. I stuck the pacifier in, then he would get all excited giggles and start sucking. I tried month ago to tie a string around it to make him suck on one and he would gag, chock, and cry. Now I have to tie a string to keep it in his mouth, since he does not have have the best coordination to keep it in all the time. He sucks on it for hours a day now getting better and better at keeping it in without the string. NO I do not allow it to be in his mouth with the string when I am not in the room with him...or when he is in bed. He has gotten better about keeping his hand on it in his bed so it stays in though.