Saturday, January 30, 2016

6 years later

Today marks another year we have lived without you. When I think of you, the sorrow that once consumed me is not what it used to be. It will never completely go away I'm sure and I don't want it to.  Sometimes I need it to be there to remember. I need that pain it is part of me. Remembering those wonderful, yet agonizing painful moments you were with us help me feel close to you still. I will always carry you in my heart and my arms will always long to hold you again no matter how many years pass by. Even though you would have been 7 this year and I watch your brothers grow and grow, I can't even imagine you as a 7 year old boy. You will forever be my baby.

Today we celebrate your life. We will fill today with happy memories and family time together. We will deliver 6 bags to Oh My Baby in your honor to help 6 precious babies and their mothers that are in need. I really enjoy doing this every year. It gives me something good to look forward to. 5 of these bags were donated to me to give. I love this organization and what their mission is. I love that I can do this to honor your life every year and that we will have a bag for every year you have been gone.

Thank you to all the wonderful people at Family Insurance Center who donated as well as to Amy and Lindsey for putting these bags together and organizing this effort and to anyone else who donated to make these 5 bags happen.

 I am thankful to God for every moment I had with you. I am blessed to be your mother and I am blessed to share your story with others to keep your legacy alive. You touched hundreds of lives while you were with us. Your strong spirt and will to live was unwaiving. You will always be the bravest person I know. Your dad and I will always be your biggest fans. I will probably always carry the guilt of letting you go and feeling like I failed you. I know in my heart though letting you go when we did was not only the most painful decision of my life, but the best one for you. I know without a doubt you would have continued to fight and suffer as you already had for 6 months and 12 days and ultimately God would have called you home anyway.

I like to think a piece of you is with me, your dad, and your siblings. Each one of us talk about you and love you as if you were still physically here. Even Hannah knows your face and understands who you are. She tells me everytime she sees your picture  that you are her brother and she loves you.

I will love you forever baby boy.