I can't believe it has been 4 years since your premature entry into this world. Today, 4 years ago, is the day my life change forever. Giving birth to my 3 boys at 28 weeks was one of the 2nd hardest choice I ever had to make. That day I had no clue how my life would change. No clue how Logan would pass away 6 months later, no clue that Jacob would have brain injury, and no clue that Andrew would end up developmentally delayed a year after he should have been "caught up". I love all 3 of you with all my heart and soul. Even though my life got a little harder, I would never change the time I have had with any of you. My heart aches for Logan often. I still wish and dream I had all 3 of my boys hear healthy, happy, and thriving.
This year has been less challenging then the last 3.
Jacob, you have had no big hospital stays this year and have been very stable, growing and happy. You have broaden your TV viewing selection to include more than Mickey Mouse. You also have been working on switch toys. Overall your muscles tone is good, but still not a lot of active purposeful movements. You like to sleep during therapy sessions and while you are at school. Overall you had a very good school year minus your desire to sleep. In the past year you have come off all the medications you used to be on (14) and now only take 3. I love you my Jacob. You will always be my baby no matter how big you get.
Andrew, you are a wild boy and enjoy testing your limits. This year we realized that you were not "catching up" like you should have. You still have some mild developmental delays. You refuse to eat more than your "bread type" products and snacks. I've realized that you have some major sensory issues more so than just the food issue. You do odd things like insist on sleeping on the floor and wrapping your head in pillows or blankets. You wrap yourself in the curtains and always have your dirty smelly blanket with you that you must have under your nose and then suck on your thumb. The list goes on and on, but that is not the point of this post. You were diagnosed with disruptive behavior disorder last week. All I have to say is it make a lot of sense. You make my day more interesting and much louder. You love attention and are always willing to sit and cuddle even though it usually results in my arm being licked. Ava is definitely your best friend and you really look up to her. You also had a very good year at school. You learned to count to 10 and learned some of your alphabet. You also learned your colors. You are a very smart little boy and I'm very proud of you.
Logan, I miss you. I wish you were with us. Today I chose to celebrate your life. The breathes you took and the 6 months and 12 days you were here to light up my life. I will never forget holding you and staring into your dark brown eyes. It is hard living without you, but I know you don't suffer now and I thank God for delivered you from the suffering and pain you endured while you fought so hard to be with us. Happy 4th Birthday in Heaven son.
We had the Mega Birthday Party Extravaganza last month to celebrate all 5 of my children's lives. The party was great and we all had fun. The boys theme this year is Cars. Birthday morning we will go out to breakfast and go to the store and let the boys pick out a toy. This weekend we will go to the beach and write Logan's name in the sand. We will do a balloon release for Logan and take the boys to the movies. Jacob LOVES movies.
Thank You Lord for giving me the blessing of having these 3 boys in my life. My life has been fuller and much busier.
I love you more than words could ever express. I hope this year is the best year yet.