Saturday, January 30, 2010
Logan went to be with the Lord today after a very long 6 1/2 month battle in the NICU. The doctor thinks it was overwhelming infection that his lungs could not handle. As most of you know he had a very bad set back early on Thursday morning. He started off with a blood gas of 222. He was placed on a high frequency ventilator then. The damage had already been done to him by then. He was placed on high frequency at 930 on Thursday morning and when I got there at 10am he looked very sick. His eyes were already glazed over, but you could tell the fighting Logan was still there. I tried to stand strong. I continued to pray for healing, though my heart was torn with a gut feeling this would be the last battle. His co2 over the next day jumped from the 70's to the 150's after it intially came down. His body was shutting down. He stopped peeing and pooping and was very swollen regardless off the use of many powerful diuretics. Early this morning at 4am his eyes were swollen shut, but he was still fighting he continued to fight the ventilator regardless of how many sedatives and pain medications he had. I knew this morning this would be the day he would meet the Lord. I prayed over him and told him he did not have to fight anymore that he did not have to hold on for me or his daddy. That we loved him and knew this was not the place he was meant to be. He gave us 6 1/2 months of love and joy. When I went back to see him again at 8am I knew the choice Logan had made. he was very peaceful and had stopped fighting. He no longer breathed with the vent. He had already went to the light and was just waiting on us to let him go. What led me to my decistion is that his co2 was so high the monitor could not read it 250+ His organs were shutting down despite all efforts to save him. He stopped peeing and had blood in his g-tube. We put him on the regular vent so we could hold him. I initially thought he would pass before my sister and children could get there. His heart rate was in the 50-60's and so was his oxygen. After 20 minutes or so, I knew he was holding on so we could all say our goodbyes. His heart rate went up to 110-120 and he actually started sating in the 90's with all the vent settings maxed. He was gone though. I knew my fighting Logan was no longer there. We took pictures with the family said lots of prayers and unhooked him from the vent at 1pm. I held him in my arms while his life left his body. I knew the moment he was gone. His limp body suddenly stiffened then relaxed. He went peacefully with no pain. I am going to forever miss that baby boy. There will always be a void in my heart that aches for him. I feel comfort in the Lord and know God sent that baby to earth to show me how pure love could be for another soul. I felt God's love in that child and as he walks the golden streets of Heaven hand in hand with Jesus. I know he is safe and at peace. There is no more vents, trachs, needles, or sensors. He will forver be our angel baby and I will see him everyday in my heart, in my dreams, and every time I look at Jacob I will know Logan is there to. I know my sweet boy touched many peoples lives, I pray that Logan's purpose for being on this earth reaches you and that you to will know the love God hold for you in Heaven so you can one day experiecne it to. I love you Logan. You will never be forgotten by many.
A poem sent from Fay:
To You From God
"I'll lend you for a little while,
a child of mine" God said,
"for you to love him while he lives,
and mourn for when he’s dead.
It may be two or three short years,
or twenty-two or three,
but will you, till I come for him for me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you,
and should his stay be brief,
you'll have his lovely memories
as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay,
since all from earth return,
but there are lessons taught down there
I want this child to learn.
I've looked the wide world over
in my search for teacher's true,
and from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,
I have selected you.
Now will you give him all your love?
Nor think the labor vain?
Nor hate me when I come to call,
to take him back again?"
God fancied he heard the parent's say,
"Dear Lord, thy will be done.
For all the joy the child shall bring,
the risk of grief We'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may,
and for the happiness We've known
forever grateful We'll stay.
But should the angels call for him,
much sooner than we planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes,
and try to understand."
Posted by Jennifer G. at 5:07 PM