Sunday, January 31, 2010

A letter to the NICU nurses, doctors, friends and family

I had all these thoughts in my head and don't even know where to start now. Yes, my heart has been broken into a thousand pieces and it is simply God's grace that has kept me from crawling into a dark hole and crying myself to sleep. God only knows how much I love Logan. His picture pops up on my phone and his beautiful eyes are staring back at me. I know it has only been a little over 48 hours and I know it will probibly get harder before it gets easier. Right now I do have comfort and I guess the best peace you can have in this situation. Some may not see it, but I do break down every once in a while. As I have selfish thoughts of wanting Logan to stay here no matter what. I anguish in why God blessed me with spontanious triplets then decided to take one away, while other people were blessed with 3, 4, 5...8 healthy babies. I battle with the thoughts of when people come up to me and say twins? How old? Do I smile and say yes, or do I tell everyone about the beautful third baby that left this earth way before I wanted him to. Anyways back to the purpose of this blog

Dear Nursing staff and doctors,
Thank You for taking care of my son. I espicially want to thank Adelles, Evalynn, and Valerie for the special care and love you gave him. I don't mean to leave anyone out, I know lots of people loved and cared for him. You will always have a special place in my heart for the care you gave my son. I wish you could be reading this letter for updates on how great he is doing and not in his time of death. You have wonderful hearts and do great things for the babies that come to your care. It seriously took all I could the night he died not to call the NICU and ask for an update. It is like second nature to me, even have it on speed dial. I love you guys. I know Logan loved you to. You all had the honor of spending many more hours with him than I did and got to change lots of poopy diapers for him :-) He had a long struggle for life and faught till the end. I hope every person that was apart of his life take a peace of him in your hearts and know that he is safe now, that he no longer struggles, and he now breaths freely without machines to hold him down. HE IS HEALED! He is God's child and was never meant to stay on earth with us. He served his purpose and now he is back in the arms of the Lord. He was only given to us temorarily. He touched more lives than I'll probibly ever know. Hundreds or people knew Logan and cared about him. He was loved, he is loved, and never will be forgotten. I hope all who cared for Logan take comfort in knowing he is at peace and I'm sure he is being Logan in Heaven too. He can now fly with his birds and not just watch them. Thank You for the depth of my heart Love, Jennifer

1 comment:

  1. This is Adelis..Wow Jennifer..this post made me cry again especially the part about him flying with the birds. He really did love those birds and I can't tell you how much love I had for Logan and how he truly touched my life...I looked forward to working and taking care of him..I rejoiced the times that he improved and hurt when he was sick...I enjoyed getting to know you and getting to be a part of Logan and your family..I will forever miss Logan and the wonderful little sweet baby that he was...I do know that he is definitely God's angel and will forever live in our hearts..I love you Logan and will always miss you and cherish the time that I got to spend with you and care for you..I will continue to pray for your family and for healing to occur in your hearts.

    Love Always