Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Why I dislike my husband tonight!

I am so freaking pissed right now I want to explode...which might be good then I wouldn't be so F-N fat anymore right?

Anyway, was it not my son sitting in the hospital all weekend too? Did I not work all day Saturday, go home and get him clean cloths and dinner then spend the night in the hospital too and then go back to work again the next day for 1/2 a shift so I could keep my job so my kids would continue to have health insurance? Did I not leave work to get his kids and help arrange a baby sitter so he could work on Monday? (a bigh thank you to The Croft family for helping us out) Did I not sit in the hospital with him on Monday while he went to work? Did I not take care of his kids on Monday and clean vomit and listen to them scream and give breathing treatment after breathing treatment? Sorry I was exhausted and did not go above and beyond the call of duty and be a good "house wife" and clean the fucking house while I was at it! Today did I not drive all over the damn place getting up super early to getget his kids dressed so I could take his daughter to school? Then did I not go and get most of the shit done to register her for VPK next year? Not to mention did I not drive all the freaking way to Winter Haven to go get his sons glasses from the eye doctor? I guess I also did not try to go get the mattress replaced for our bed so HE could sleep better at night too? Then when I came home I guess I did  not change shitty diaper after shitty diaper..not to mention feeding his handicap son every 3 hours in an attempt not to get him to vomit for once while taking care of his other whining son who screams at the top of his lungs all day. I guess I did not spend over an hour clipping coupons trying to save our family a little money on groceries either. Then to get back up change more diapers...feed kids load them back in the car and go pick his daughter up from school while his sons screamed in the back seat the entire time. BTW I guess I also did not try to get some laundry washed either...Sorry I did not rush home "Dear" to be a good wife and make you dinner and make sure the house was spotless too. You better bet it was not worse than it was when you left for work this morning. Then for him to tell me he is "not happy with me" because the house was not clean. FUCK YOU! I guess when I was at the mall trying to find his son a pair of shoes I did not think of him when I attempted to buy him new cloths..not my fault his fat ass can't fit the biggest size the store carries in pants! I also didn't think of him when I made sure I brought him home something to eat to. Then all I get is grief how I apparently did "NOTHING" today because his mighty kingdom was not clean. Oh and he is pissed because he does not like the cloths I buy they are apparently "trailer park" cloths...sorry I don't like the cloths you pick out for me "dear" I don't think anyone else wants to see my fat rolls either! Then after his son barfs up his last feed...he did clean him after bitching that he "always has to clean him", but then decided to go lay on his fat ass and leave the rest of the shit for me to clean up. I guess I will also have to be the one who stays up until midnight to make sure our son has more than 15oz of food in his body today. Apparently since I do "nothing" all week I NEVER DESERVE A BREAK. Because I certainly don't take care of his children Monday though Friday even when he is home and then deal with assholes at work all weekend. When will I ever get a day of FREEDOM? Where I don't get have to worry about getting up and make sure the house is clean enough so I am not embarrassed for the therapist to come inside, getting medications ready, the endless tube feeds through the day, the constant worry about when Jacob is going to chock on his vomit, the none stop screaming from Andrew, kids climbing on me all day. I am tired. I am mentally drained. I am depressed. I am tired of being fat and don't even have the energy to give a shit to do something about it. I don't even want to wake up some mornings but  I drag my ass out of bed every fucking morning and do the same shit over and over again. Oh yeah, when was the last time he packed the kids medications, cloths etc for when they have to go to my sister's house every other weekend. I also do 90% of the dropping off and picking up too.

Not to say he does nothing, because he does help but damn apparently I don't do SHIT!

I know he has his own issues, but why make my life harder and take it out on me? I am expected to give him all my attention when he is home..God forbid I talk on the phone, get online etc..while he is home it is "Jack time". I am made to feel guilty anytime I want to go out or if I do anything without him because he has no one to hang out with. I can't MAKE people call him. I feel bad, but it does not mean I should have to isolate myself from the world and my friends to make him happy all the time.

I know I am not the best mom, the best wife etc..but how the hell am I suppose to get any better when I all hear is nasty comments and him bitching at me all day about what I am not doing "right"

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