Sunday, January 30, 2011

Logan's 1 Year Angelversary is TODAY

My Dear Sweet Logan, its been a year since you have been gone.
You fought so hard against all odds you lungs just could not help you stay.
6 long months of medications, tubes, and monitors kept you here with me.
Though my heart will never be the same I can not fall to pieces because
I see you every day in your brothers' faces.
I try not to ask God why because I know the reason.
You made me strong so I can carry on and care for those who need me.
With head held high I will not  fall and cry each day,  for you are safe now.
My heart may ache and tears may fall at times, but not because your gone.
They fall because you lived, you changed me, & you left when your work was done.
You are my triplet son, and there will always be a missing face in every picture.
but for those who knew you found something greater.
A greater faith, a greater love, and a greater strength than most will ever know.
Jacob and Andrew carry on living and breathing each day.
While you are in a greater place with no more struggles and pain.
You will always be my angel as you were before you were even gone.
I did not know then that the words I said would be true one day.
 I referred to you as "Angel Boy" Even before you flew.
My heart must have know what my mind would not except.
I miss you little one, but it is okay you did not stay.
Life will carry on until we are all together again one day.

One of the last moments we spent with our son while he was alive.

The 1st picture I had of all 3 of them. I was 9 weeks.

The 1st time all 3 of my boys were together after they were born...67 days later.

Thank you to everyone who has been here for our family during the last 2 years. Without your blessings to our family life would have been so much harder. God Bless each and every one of you. To Logan's NICU nurses. I continue to think of you often. You were Logan's safe haven. I knew he was in good hands when his favorites were with him. I love you guys and I will always have a place in my heart for each of you.

This was just some words I pulled from some of my older blogs I edited them a little to make them shorter:

January 30, 2010................Logan went to be with the Lord today after a very long 6 1/2 month battle in the NICU. The doctor thinks it was overwhelming infection that his lungs could not handle...........Early this morning at 4am his eyes were swollen shut, but he was still fighting he continued to fight the ventilator regardless of how many sedatives and pain medications he had. I knew this morning this would be the day he would meet the Lord. I prayed over him and told him he did not have to fight anymore that he did not have to hold on for me or his daddy. That we loved him and knew this was not the place he was meant to be. He gave us 6 1/2 months of love and joy. When I went back to see him again at 8am I knew the choice Logan had made. he was very peaceful and had stopped fighting. He no longer breathed with the vent. He had already went to the light and was just waiting on us to let him go..... We took pictures with the family said lots of prayers and unhooked him from the vent at 1pm. I held him in my arms while his life left his body. I knew the moment he was gone. His limp body suddenly stiffened then relaxed. He went peacefully with no pain. I am going to forever miss that baby boy. There will always be a void in my heart that aches for him. I feel comfort in the Lord and know God sent that baby to earth to show me how pure love could be for another soul. I felt God's love in that child and as he walks the golden streets of Heaven hand in hand with Jesus. I know he is safe and at peace. There is no more vents, trachs, needles, or sensors. He will forver be our angel baby and I will see him everyday in my heart, in my dreams, and every time I look at Jacob I will know Logan is there to. I know my sweet boy touched many peoples lives, I pray that Logan's purpose for being on this earth reaches you and that you to will know the love God hold for you in Heaven so you can one day experience it to. I love you Logan. You will never be forgotten by many.

February 3, 2010....A very kind person who wants to remain anonymous to us called the funeral home today before we arrived and paid off Logan's funeral bill in full. The director said in the 20 years he has been doing his job, that this has never happen to him where a complete stranger comes in to pay off another family's debt. WOW! I am so grateful. God is good and he is my provider. My love for God is so strong it overwhelmes me. I have such great peace with where my son is that I can't do nothing but rejoice in His name and knowing that Logan is the blessed one. He has the honor to be in such a wonderful place in the presence of the Lord. He walks hand in hand with Jesus with all our loved ones who left before us.. He is with mine and Jack's families. He is Loved by all. He led a short life, but a life full of hope, inspiration, and faith. I poured my heart and soul into his life to keep him alive because I wanted him to be healthy and strong. I made sure I did everything I could do for him including pumping pumping and pumping lots of milk for him and the boys and many sleepless nights to make sure I could see his sweet face as much as I could. I thank God for every day I was able to see my sweet baby, I continue to be sad for his loss, but rejoice in his life and what it meant to so many people. I am a stronger person though this, my faith is stronger, and my heart is kinder. I am humbled and know the best and worst can happen to anyone, I will never think things are beyond me. I will never say I can't do something, and I will no longer say that something like the death of a child could not happen to me. I just know that whatever life has enstored me, that God will get me through it.

It filled my heart with joy to have so many people come to show how much they loved my family, That Logan's life mattered, and that my family matters to them.
P.S. Logan looked beautiful and so peaceful today. It felt good looking at him looking so peaceful and not sick.


  1. Thinking of you and your family today and sending many hugs.

  2. Thinking of you guys today. I remember how hard everything was last year and how strong you were. May God continue to bless you guys! Sending you my love!

  3. Even though it's not the 30th anymore, I want you to know that we are thinking of you still and Logan is in our thoughts too...