Shit!

So what a lovely freaking day I have had since I got off work. My sister calls me on my way home asking me to meet her half way from her house so she can show me Jacob's diaper. She thinks Jacob has blood in his poop. I met her and I think he is fine...he has a rash that is bleeding on his butt that apparently showed up this morning and I think that is what she is seeing...but I told her to keep monitoring him and keep me updated.

Then I come home and open the mail that reads that it is from SSI. I think just freaking great what kind of crap is in his envelope..there is never anything good. So long in behold is a 4 page letter stating NOTICE OF OVERPAYMENT. Yes, that is right...I got not only 1, but 2 of these letters. These bastards made me go in a few months ago with every paycheck stub since they started getting benefits when they came home from the hospital. Mind you it was only $52, but hell it helped...especially with all the work I missed for all of Jacob's misadventures. A few months ago they decided that we made to much money and no longer required any SSI benefits...I was also told that with the benefits they took the medicaid. I don't care about the SSI at all. Hey free money is nice and I do pay taxes too, but not needed. Medicaid is his secondary insurance. This we need and so far they HAVE NOT taken it away.  It would be very hard to provide for his needs without medicaid picking up what my private insurance does not pay.

Back to my rant! I get 2 letters today saying I owe the social security administration $405.32 for each child. Yes that would be $810.64 they I have been "over payed."

I'm really angry. I know that it is not the government's responsibility to support my family and children in anyway, but I also did not ask for what has happened to my family to happen. I did not ask for spontaneous triplets. I took no medication or did anything to make myself have multiples...hell I was drunk when they were conceived...LOL...give me a break it was New Years. :-)  I did not ask for Twin to Twin Transfusion to happen to my boys. I did not ask for my babies to be born at 28 weeks. I did not ask for my precious son to have to suffer for 6 months and 12 days to fight to live for him to die anyways! Jacob nor myself asked for him to have a devastating brain injury causing his quality of a normal life to be nearly zero! My son has to suffer every day of his life with his disability. My husband and myself have to alter our lives forever to care for him. There will probably never be an empty nest in my house. I'm trying to do the right thing for my children. I have not put Jacob in a group home. I get up every morning for his therapy. My husband and I give him all his medications and tube feedings, we clean his vomit, and do everything we can to give him everything in our means. We drive hours to doctors appointments nearly every week. We find ways to pay for equipment that is horribly over priced that insurance does not cover. We have to find a way to get a wheel chair van one day, which are also very expensive. Now, the little help we have received outside of the gift of having medicaid they want all the money back!!! My bank account is nearly empty and they just expect me to write a check out and pay them back!

I swear I am going to learn how to be just like everyone else! I try to be honest and do the right thing. I try and do what God wants me to do. Maybe Jack and I need to legally "separate" and say we live at different addresses...heck maybe I should just quit my job we can all get Medicaid. Shit maybe I will be a drug dealer and sell drugs to children. So  I can get my EBT card, have free food, free health insurance, maybe some section eight housing, in the mean time I will drive my Cadillac Escalade around and get some gold teeth and big shinny necklaces and rings. Then while I am at it I will just pawn all my children off on friends and family and just never pick them up. I'm so over all this shit.

Luckily money is not everything. Family is the most important thing. I would rather live in a tin shack eating Roman noodles for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, no car, riding my bicycle around with a train of children in wagons behind me than not have them at all. Even Jacob. I couldn't honestly say I would love for him to be just the way he is, but I want more for him. Honestly I wish I could with the lottery pay for stem cell therapy and his own hyperbaric chamber...but I would rather have him like he is than not have him at all.

So 2 big middle fingers to you SSI...you will no longer ruin my day...the letter says I can appeal and try to have my "overpayment" waived...so I'm sure on Monday I will have all kinds of hoops to jump though...hell I guess worse case they can just take it from my income tax return??? Who know.