I have been okay all month long with no big emotional break downs. I placed Logan's empty stocking under the tree and I lost it. I looked around and found a stuffed snow man to fill the empty void inside the stocking. The tears started rolling and I couldn't stop them.
Last year I placed his 1st Christmas picture (which I believe has fallen behind my dresser) and the bear that he received from the NICU with the Santa hat on in his stocking. Last year it brought comfort that I had these items that laid in his crib with him on Christmas morning with me for the 1st Christmas he was missing.
This year I am just not prepared. His foot print ornament it still lost somewhere in his memory box. His picture is hiding behind the dresser and his Santa bear is MIA. I honestly don't even have the strength to look for it. Jack asked me to go through his box and organize it the other day and I just can't right now.
On a happy note. Ava is SOOOO excited about Santa's arrival. She 1st asked me if she could sleep in the couch so she could give him a hug when he came. I explained to her that he had so many children to see that he comes so fast you hardly see him and that is why you visit him before Christmas to tell him what you want. She then asked that when she heard him say "Ho Ho Ho" could she just sneak out and take a peek at him.
Glad to say she is fast asleep and unfortunately she missed Santa's arrival. He did leave her a thank you letter for the milk and cookies and food for the reindeer. I can't wait to her reaction when she wakes up tomorrow. This is so much fun!
|2011 Tree and presents|
|Ava;s doll crib from Santa|
|The letter Santa left the kids thanking them for the milk, cookies, and reindeer food.|