Logan's headstone is in!

Logan got his headstone today. It looks wonderful! I have to get up super early for Andrew's EEG tomorrow. They are also ripping up more floors and starting to lay the new stuff tomorrow. I don't think I am thrilled about the tile now!

New floors and a shinny new headstone for Logan

Tomorrow 2 bigs things are suppose to happen for us. 1st the tile people are suppose to come and start installing the tile in the kitchen, though you would think someone would call me today and tell me what time etc..so I would not be suprised if they did not show up. I would be really pissed though. 2nd when I talked to Sweet Dreams Headstones, he said he should be back in Lakeland tonight and ready to install tomorrow. I am really really really excited to see his headstone. I have already bought the 1st set of flowers for the vase. I am nervous though because I am going to be upset if the picture did not come out well.

Andrew has almost made it from his back to his stomach. I think he will have it down in a few more days. He is so vocal lately. He tries to hold his bottle, but does not quite grasp the concept that you have to keep your hands on it at all time.

Jacob muscles are almost a little to loose now. You can def tell any thing he was doing before was because of his tone. He can hardly hold his head up now and does not grasp on to toys if you put them in his hands. Where it has benifited him is that he is not so ridget and crying all the time. He focuses more than before and the arching is less. HE SLEEPS MORE! :-) and he lifts his arms up and kicks his feet more.

Ava is working on potty training. She is still doing about 25% 25% 50% by this I mean she runs around naked and pees and poops on the potty 25% of the time. Runs around the house naked and pees all over the floor and her bedroom 25% of the time and the rest of the time she wears a diaper at night and when we leave the house. Candy has helped but sometime when I try to give her her m&ms she says "No, mommy I can't like them. You eat them!" LOL

Sad

I don't know if I should be watching Logan's videos over and over again or not. I have been watching them for a few days ALOT. I think I have cried harder now than I did when it was happening. Just as I felt like I had totally excepted he was not here and it didn't seem to hurt so bad, I first watched the Now I lay me down to sleep movie then the slide show if his life that I made. Then I have watched them over and over again for 3 days now. This is what happens when Jack works and I am left home by myself with all the kids. It hurts! I hurts bad. I figured it was better to vent here than on my facebook. Oh I don't know. I need to go buy something. Buying things makes me happy, but I am trying to be responsible. Ugh!

Ava is feeding the dog Lilly potato chips. Yes I did feed my daughter chips and dip for breakfast. I didn't have the urge to make something and force her to eat it. I ate chips and dip for breakfast to. So much for dieting I had pizza, taco bell, burger king and a whole bunch of m&ms over the past few days. I have a cabinet full of semi healthy stuff I bought to eat, but don't want to make it.

I sat on the phone with the GI doctor for Jacob for over 40 minutes yesterday. They SUCK! We decided that he does not need the ph prob anymore. Just the swallow eval. So then after they kept me on hold for 40 minutes yesterday and said they would call back, they finally did this morning. Bright and early at 830, just when I thought I would get a few extra minutes of sleep. I have to schedule that appointment still. The reason for the swallow eval is to see if he is aspirating because he chocks and gags his bottles down. I decided not to wait on them. I went out last night and bought a huge can of Thick It from Walgreens not to bad only $20 and added it to his bottle. He drank about 6oz out of it without any issues. I was impressed. He does usually finish a 9oz bottle, but he also had 3oz of baby food. This morning I did the same mixture and he at 5oz of thickened formula and 3 oz of baby food and I mix his happy meds in about an oz of formula. It did take him FOREVER to eat the formula. He is whining now. I might be able to get him to finish the last 4 oz of this bottle. He did gag one time during his feeding this morning.

Andrew not only discovered he has hands a few weeks ago, he know realizes he has feet as well. LOL Both kids are teething I do believe. Poor Jacob has not developed the ability to chew on his hand like Andrew. I feel bad for him, he has no way of comforting himself when he is in pain. I made a joke on facebook yesterday about Andrew and his drooling. Stating I think he needs a diaper under his chin. Then I came to the conclusion the only thing that could hold that drool was the as seen on tv Sham WOW! LOL then I envision lovely sham wow bibs with a plastic liner on the back. I WOULD BE RICH LOL I should make one. Ha ha ha The drool bib.

Jacob is still crying over there in the swing. Kinda annoying me. Its really hard to get up and feed the kids and take care of them when you don't even have the desire to get out of bed. I love that Jack is on nights, because I feel like he is home more, but I hate that he bitches about being tired all the time even on his days off when he slept all night. I like to get up and go on his day off. It is the only time I feel like I get to leave the house. Instead I have to wait until his nap time is over, then I still won't be able to go anywhere because he has a doctor appointment. Ugh, the more I think about it the more depressed I am feeling about sitting here all day!

I'm really torn about what to do with some extra money we were blessed with.

The shopping part of me: I want things that will make me happy like a hot tub, I want to improve my house by replacing the carpet in the living area of my house, and I want to reface my cabinets that are nasty.

The repaying debt part of me from to much shopping :-): Thinks I should take all the money and put a big dent in the unsecured debt I owe.

The selfish part of me: Wants to keep all the money and sit on it and do nothing (which then I know over time I will slowly dip into it and it will be gone with nothing to show for it)

So the compromising part of me: Jack really wants a hot tub: Instead of buying new we buy used one craigs list..then we have to pay to install outlet and pour concrete slab to make our back patio bigger. Still only about a 1/3 on the price of just a new decent hot tub. I do think we will be buying this on Sunday.

Next I want to replace all the carpet in the dining room, living room and halls. It is nasty and is a very lite tan color it is 2 years old and looks like crap. I am debating on settling on a cheaper laminate or the one I like. I think I actually like the cheaper one better now. This will bring the price down several hundred dollars :-)

I also plan on replacing the tile in the entry way and taking out the ugly peeling up flooring in the kitchen and laundry room and replacing it with tile.

Well, if I am doing all that I might as well replace the surface of the kitchen cabinets which has been chipped off during our adventure to install our dishwasher awhile back. I am currently waiting on a quote before I make my final decision

Believe it or not even after doing all that there will still be some money left to put a smaller dent in some bills.

I'm not jumping to any conclusions on my plans at the moment. I am praying about it, but I really feel like this money was meant to improve our lives. Both ways will improve our lives but man I am just so greedy I don't want to spend it all paying back evil credit cards.

Oh well I feel better that I have vented my feelings. Jack just woke up because his phone was ringing. Ava is being mean to him now.

Choices

Logan's head stone should be installed this Wednesday! Jacob scared me on Sunday, I almost drove him to Arnold Palmer ER. Why is this? 1st off because there was no one on call for kid's neurology here and it would have been pointless to take him to the ER here with no neurologist on call. Back to why he scared me...My sister had me all paranoid saying he was not acting right for her all weekend. She pointed out that his left eye is not opening as much as the right. That he was not eating as much as he usually does. Finally and most odd is that on Saturday night she took him to Walmart and apparently in the time he was awake in his carseat he rubbed a huge blister on the bottom of his left heal. Not like one that has a bubble but the skin had totally rubbed off his foot. By Sunday night he continued to rub that spot till it was bleeding. Oddly he was doing this and never cried. I ended up calling the pediatrician and she didn't seem as concerned, but said if his eye was noticablly less open than the other I should take him. I took him home and decided he was fine. I think that now that he is more calm, that he is showing symptoms that were being masked by his non-stop crying before. I think he is finally getting used to the klonipine. He is so much more calm. I LOVE IT! Andrew is doing great. He has to see a cardiologist before he can have his MRI. He has an EEG next week. Jacob has to have a swollow eval done on 24th. I am going out tonight to buy him some thickener for him formula. I uploaded an edited version of the video I played at Logan's funeral. I will try to attach it here, but if not it will be on youtube and I will post the link. I have totally lost my train of thought so I will update again later.

This is the link to the youtube.com posting:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sjS9eMqsDbU

Life is getting better by the minute

Life is really good at this particular minute because I have shut all the children in their rooms so I can have 5 minutes to myself! Ava is talking to something in her room right now telling it not to hit her, I can only assume it is her balloon from Disney. She has carried it around the house since she came home on Sunday. Thanks Jennifer :-) lol We even had to preform emergency surgery on the balloon about 2 hours after it made it to my house. She managed to put a hole in the outer part of it and she was freaking out like it was an animal dying in front of her. So, mommy preform balloon saving techniques by covering the hole while daddy ran and got the tape and fixed the balloon's boo boo. Ava then pet the balloon and told it, "It's okay buddy." I really wonder about her sometimes.

Neurologist: Both boys seen her yesterday. Jacob: She upped his phenobarbital does and changed it to pill form so I can crush it and give it to him instead of the nasty cough syrup stuff that he chocks and gags down. She also started him on the Klonopin. He takes it 3 time a day. Also going to be in a pill form. Target did not have it in yesterday so I just picked it up today. He starts it tonight. I am very excited. I hope it helps with his muscles so he can start hitting so of his milestones. Please pray that Jacob start improving.

Andrew: Will be scheduled for a follow-up MRI just like Jacob had to make sure the part of his brain that were "immature" have worked themselves out. He had enlarged ventricles and a questionable area on his right frontal lobe on his discharge MRI. I don't have the date yet. He will go for his EEG on the 25th of this month. Both boys have follow up appointments in 4 months.

Audiology: Andrew was admitted into Arnold Palmer today for his ABR (Auditory brainstem response) It was kinda heart breaking and nerve wrecking sitting there by myself. Reminded me of Logan, but I think anything over there will. I say this because he had to actually go to a surgery room because he was placed under general anesthesia for the procedure. Reminded me of the 2 other times I sat in the same waiting room while Logan 1st had his trach placed and 2nd had G-tube and hernia surgery done. They were very nice and it went by fast. We had to be there at 730 and they took him back around 930. He came out with an IV and he was really pissed off and hungry. The put the IV in his thumb sucking side and he could not reach his thumb and 2ndly he had not eaten since 10pm and we were going on around noon now. He drank apple juice for the 1st time while we waited to be discharged. He had to stay on clear liquid for a while after waking up. So, now that I am done rambling I will tell you the findings for those who do not know: EVERYTHING IS TOTALLY FREAKING NORMAL! MD told me he passed every test and his brain responded to ALL tones. She said he must nor respond to sound because either 1 he is just that laid back or 2 is is his developmental delay. Oh well, all the matters is that that little bugger CAN hear us. He just pretends like he can't lol. PRAISE GOD FOR GOOD NEWS AND HEALING!

Nothing else to exciting going on until Andrew has his MRI and of course when Logan's headstone comes in. I'm still planning on going to little Summer's funeral this Thursday. That is going to be a long hard day. I'm glad it is in the morning so I can still keep my fun evening plans to brighten the day. THANK YOU GOD ALMIGHTY FOR ALL YOU DO IN MY LIFE! We had a huge blessing come in the mail yesterday that will make our lives a little better as well ;-)

BIG SMILES

THIS WEEKEND SUCKED AT WORK! UGh! I am so tired. Friday night Jacob smiled for the 1st time in response to me talking to him. I was very excited I got my cell phone and recorded it. 2 minutes later the happy smiling Jacob turned back into the normal crying Jacob, but atleast he showed he can. :-D Last night when I came home Andrew started blowing rassberry kisses at me LOL Ava got to go to Disney World today for the 1st time since she was an infant. She is running around the house with her pink micky ear ballon hitting it. Thanks Jennifer for taking her and HAPPY BIRTHDAY NOT SO OLD LADY LOL.


Please pray for the Mitchell family. They lost their 9 month old daughter Febuary 26th. Summer and her brother and sister were in the NICU at the same time mine were. Summer was a fighter just like Logan. She got to go home and be with her family for a few short weeks before God took her back home. I know this has to be the hardest time in the Mitchell's lives as they lost another one of their babies when they were born 9 months ago. They are wonderful stong parents for enduring all they have been through, May God be with them as they lay their sweet daughter to rest this week.

I LOVE this poem. I stole it off a fellow triplet mom friend of mine facebook page. She also has a very special little boy.


Heaven's Very Special Child A meeting was held quite far from earth "It's time again for another birth," Said the angels to the Lord above. This special child will need much love. His progress may seem very slow, Accomplishments he may not show, And he'll require extra care From the folks he meets down there. He may not run or laugh or play, His thoughts may seem quite far away. In many ways he won't adapt, And he'll be known as handicapped. So let's be careful where he's sent. Please Lord, find the parent who Will do this special job for you. They will not realize right away, The leading part they're asked to play, But with this child sent from above, Comes stronger faith and richer love. And soon they'll know the privilege given In caring for this gift from heaven. Their precious charge, so meek and mild, Is heaven's very special child. -Dorothy Law

My toe HURTS!

I have nothing terribly fun to update. Jacob had physical therapy today. I have not seen any great improvement yet. He will start extra therapy next month and the lady seeing him now is going to try and see him a 2nd time a week. All the big appointments are next week. Neurologist on Monday for both babies. Hopefully Jacob will start new med to help with tight muscles. Andrew was suppose to have a EEG done, but I missed the appointment at the beginning of January and I had it rescheduled for the 25th of this month. I am going to take him anyway because he is suppose to have a 6 month follow up MRI. Andrew's hearing test is on Tuesday.

Logan's headstone should be hear really soon next 2 weeks or so, I can't wait to see it. I took him some Tulips for his grave today. I miss him so much.

On a lighter subject. I was walking in my house yesterday with a handful of stuff. I wall into the kitchen and didn't notice that the floor was wet with dog pee! I slip fall flat on my back. My right foot went under the lip of the cabinet, but my big toe did not. My big toe met the top of my foot for the first time and hurt like hell. I lay on the floor in a dramatic screaming fit while Jack thought he was going to be super man and pick me up and take me to the hospital lol. My butt and back cleaned the dog pee up for Jack lol. We drove by the ER on the way home and seen 7 ambulances yes 7 parked waiting to take patients in. There was NO WAY I was going there broken foot or not. So, anyways I decided if I can bear weight on it then it is not broken and if something is, then it is a spare part anyways lol. It feels better today still hurts to move like it is jammed and just needs to be pulled, but NO FREAKING WAY am I doing that!

Babies finished a 5 day course of steroids today. Andrew is been almost as LOUD as Jacob. That kid needs to find his fingers again PLEASE! He woke up the other night at 1am and demanded to be held for over an hour. Poor baby. I think they are both working pretty hard on cutting some teeth. Andrew's sleeve was so wet the other morning I would have squeezed the drool out of it. YUCK! We have been working on getting our house back into shape. We got the living room, kitchen, and Ava's room done. Now just my room and the garage left. Then we will tackle outside! I want a Jacuzzi now! Haven't heard anything about Logan's life insurance money yet. I spent $9000 (income tax) in less than a week paying BILLS bills BILLS. We paid off our van and a bunch of little credit card debt. Now I am poor again :-( If we get his money we will put some away for the kids possibly replace our carpets in the main part of the house and maybe pay so more of our debt. LOL AND BUY A JACUZZI! LOL no! Bad Jennifer!