'Tis the Season for Sharing

Holidays are hard for so many. Not enough finances, worried about not getting the right gifts or enough gifts for our children and family, entertaining, many fighting depression, and so many people that are remembering loved ones rather it be a love one that lived a long life or an pregnancy, infant, or child loss.
November-February are hard months for our family. As these months pass it  me of Logan's struggles and how his tiny body suffered and struggled to live until the Lord called him home on January 30, 2009.
This year is no different for us. We are a 1 income family now instead of 2. We have added another member to our family this year and the budget is tight. I've been planning my children's Christmas since August to avoid from having to ask for help. I am trying to teach my children what Christmas is about and not teach them that it is the time of year to get expensive presents and cheap gifts that will be in the garbage in a month. This being said, God has provided for us and I have been able to keep up with all our bills (for the most part) and I am near finished with Christmas for my children.

I found myself on facebook this morning and read a post about buying gifts for children off the local Angel Trees. This reminded me that I have not done anything in Honor of Logan this holiday season yet. I honestly can't remember what I have done that past few years. I know I have thought about it and I have donated small amounts of money or a few presents to Toys for Tots, but not much else. I emailed one of Logan's nurses and asked what parents do for the NICU or NICU parents around the holidays. I haven't received a reply yet, but another friend mention a local woman that donates to the hospital I worked at for needy mothers and babies. I thought how perfect would that be to give a gift of baby boy items in honor of my Baby Boy this year. Though this mother will  know nothing about me she will read his name and know this is a gift of love from one mother to another.

Oh My Baby on Facebook is the organization I donated though today. She will take any donations to make bags. I know not everyone has the funds to do a complete bag, but every little bit helps. Even though we do not know these ladies circumstances and many may judge why these woman need this help or why they are having babies they can't afford, but just remember that it is NOT that child's fault and I feel good know that a child will get to receive these very basic items to get these newborns though their 1st weeks of life. I'm honored to been blessed to donate our bag today and hope that I can do several of these bags throughout the year.

This was the picture that was posted on the facebook site of our donation. Just one more way I can honor my son's life while helping others. I'm really excited I was able to do this and hope some more local families can remember these babies during the holiday season alone with all the other needy children that need a toy to open up on Christmas to celebrate our Saviors birth.

My heart was so blessed today by a beautiful young Mom, @Jennifer Keigans-Gunter, who donated a complete bag for a brand-new baby boy in honor of Logan Christopher Gunter, the baby her family lost a few years ago. Thank you Jennifer for allowing Logan's short life to bless so many other lives today!!

Anyone interested in doing this contract your local hospitals social worker and see if they are willing to accept these type donations. I hope everyone has a blessed Holiday season. We already have our tree up and the yard decorated. Trying to stay active and keep the children busy. Everyone is doing well except for the colds they keep spreading to each other. Hannah is almost 7 months old. She is threatening to crawl at any moment. She has 2 teeth now. Jacob is staying healthy and become a chubby little boy these days. So happy and alert now after coming off all the meds he has been on for so long. I'm hoping 2013 will bring great things for our Family and pray that we can learn how to get Jacob to communicate with us better.

Our Thanksgiving

We went to my friend Hills house since Jack worked. Usually we are in Alabama with my parents. This year we are home for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

The Story of an Exclusively Pumping Mom

I haven't talked a whole lot about our latest addition to our household, our Hannah Rose. She is 6 months old today. Anyone interested, I blog about her here. I've kept this blog as my own personal journal to her since I found out I was pregnant and all the fears that went along with it after the pregnancy with out triplets.

Hannah has by far been the most well behaved baby out of my 5 children. Andrew would be 2nd runner up and look at him now. He is a NAUGHTY boy...I'm kinda concerned LOL. I was really thinking this time around I would actually be able to breast feed her and be "normal." With Ava I had flat, inverted nipples and due to my own frustration and her lack of latching even with nipple shields I resorted to pumping breast milk. She breastfed at the breast more than any of my children. My problem was that from pumping, I overstimulated my breast to make to much milk and when I letdown she would chock as the milk overflowed from the nipple shield (the only way I could get her to the breast) I would have milk all down my cloths, the nipple shield would slide out of place. It was a mess. After several months of attempts to breastfeed without bottles I resorted to exclusively pumping and bottle feeding breast milk. I had so much extra milk I had to buy a deep freezer. I ran out of room at one point and started dumping extra milk...I had no clue there were donation programs out there at this point. My breast dried up on their own, despite my desperate attempts to keep pumping and by 10 months I could no longer produce any milk. She was still given breast milk until her 1st birthday with some formula introduce at 10 months.

The triplets, I was rather proud of myself for providing breast milk to all 3 babies as long as I did considering what we were going through. Even though the 1st months after their birth before their due date they were taking tiny amounts of milk, I was able to keep them on mostly breast milk until 6 1/2 months before once again I stopped producing. I had to fortify with formula to add calories and if there was ever a breast milk shortage Logan always got the breast milk 1st since he was the sickest. I will never forget the day Logan died how the only thing I had to take from the hospital that day besides his belongings was a blue plastic bin of the last bags of milk I had pumped for him. It was bitter sweet peeling the hospital labels off the bottles for Baby Boy A Gunter and giving the last of that milk to our survivors Baby Boy B Gunter Baby Boy C Gunter at home. I don't know why that memory is so much clearer than others, but it is. I'm still concerned that my supply will suddenly drop again. Then I remember with the triplets the STRESS I was under. 3 sick babies in the hospital, ventilators, brain damage, feeding tubes, the hospital being an hour drive each way, taking care of a 2 year old, juggling work after the 1st few months, taking care of 2 preemies at home, pumping, toddler, and still driving back and forth to the nicu everyday while working, and trying to keep it all together. Ha! I think of how lazy I am now and wonder how I found the energy and patience to do it all. Only answer is that God's people truly lifted us up in prayer and His Grace was over us. I don't think back to those 6 1/2 months of my life as much as I used to. When I do it reminds me of the good and the bad and how so many people cared about my family still do, just in different ways now.

Breastfeeding and possibly having to pump this time around with Hannah was the one thing I was NOT looking forward to. After all the pumping from the previous births, my nipples I felt were no longer as flat nor was the one side inverted anymore (just in case anyone really wanted to know about my nipples) I had high expectations I could get a full term healthy baby to latch and breastfeed well. I swore I would not even take the breast pump out of it bag. Nothing started off right. I was not awake when she was born. It was over 3 hours after her birth before I seen her and she was already given a bottle of formula. NO ONE encouraged me to breastfeed in the hospital and no one came to help (never once seen the lactation consultant after asking several times) a few nurses tried to help with latching. Once my milk came in my nipples were as flat as ever, she would root and never latch. She even refused the nipple shield. Hannah screamed and cried if I tried to get her to breastfeed....this gave me major anxiety along with dealing with 3 other children at home and a big vertical c-section incision. I resorted to what I was used to. Pumping 20-30 minutes ever 2-3 hours. After a week or so I had enough supply built up to start storing breast milk 4oz at a time. By the time Hannah was 3 months old. I had filled my small deep freezer full and started to fill a 2nd deep freezer. I think fresh milk is best, so I did not really want to thaw milk if I did not have to. This is when I was introduced to the facebook group Human Milk 4 Human Babies. There is a page for every state. There is another group I am aware of called Eats on Feets. These are groups of breastfeeding moms that choose to share their breast milk with other mothers who can not produce enough milk on their own for whatever reason without the cost of going though a MilkBank. Personally when I was offered breast milk from an old high school friend I thought it was disgusting...my views have changed slightly and I definitely don't mind donating, but I guess most mom go off the indication that if the breastfeeding mother is willing to give the milk to their own children, then it should be safe for their children. I think it is great that the mothers of this donor milk go out of their way to get this milk for their babies vs. just giving there children formula. I'm not here to start a debate on why or why not to give your child untested donated milk. I personally have connected with another mom of multiples who DOES pump for her twins, but does not produce enough for them. She was having to supplement with formula and her boys were not doing well on formula and needed a special formula when not fed breast milk. If you are over income for WIC this can be VERY expensive.  So, she buys my milk stoage bags and I fill them up with milk for her. Hannah being 6 months old now, I have given her June, July, August, and part of September's pumped milk thus far. I kept May's milk because it was mostly pumped in the 50 or so breast milk storage bottles I had collected over the past 5 years. I did thaw and give this milk to Hannah it took me 3 months to give her all of May's milk. Now I don't bother thawing milk for her. Hannah always gets fresh and the rest is frozen for my recipient mom. Because I am afraid of loosing my supply suddenly like I did the last 2 times, I try to keep at least 1-2 months worth of milk in my freezer. Hannah will not take formula at all. I've tried in a pinch at a doctors office and she kept pushing the bottle away.
This time around pumping has not been horrible. It does become quite an addiction for me. I can't stand my breast feeling full so I never go more than 6 hours without pumping at night and usually pump at least every 3-4 hour during the day sometimes more often sometimes less. I am usually able to store a minimum of 32 oz of breast milk in the freezer on top of what I feed Hannah every day. Each time I pump I am normally able to to get at least 16oz in 15-20 minutes. Often, I don't feel empty and wait 30 minutes and I am able to get another 8oz if I have time to pump again.

I like pumping because I can often feed Hannah a bottle of breast milk while I pump or someone else can feed her. I think she eats less often and stay fuller more so than a normal breast fed baby because she does not work as hard to get the milk. (just my option) This makes a less tired mommy that does not have to get up for late night and early morning feeds, well I'm up pumping at 6:15 and she eats then. I can feed her in the car and in pubic without having to find a private area to feed her by breast. I am NOT locked into being home to pump. I have a hospital grade Ameda Elite pump set up at home in my pumping spot and I have a battery operated double Ameda Purley Yours Pump that is small enough to fit in my purse that I can take on the go.

Yes, pumping requires time, sometimes I have a screaming baby while I pump milk if her previous bottle is empty. I have bottles to clean and pump parts to take apart, but I don't mind at all. I actually think I prefer to pump. I can leave my baby with my husband and run errands without worrying if my baby is hungry. I don't have the baby that won't take a bottle and only likes boobies. I feel like I am just as bonded with my baby. We still lay in bed together while I feed her. I still do not have to heat bottles as breast milk is good at room temperature for hours so she always has a bottle for fresh milk out.

I must say I am rather proud of the moms who have exclusively breastfed their babies and don't pump or bottle feed. I honestly feel like it is way harder than pumping.

No matter how you give breast milk to your babies rather it be by the breast, pumped into a bottle, or donated milk from another mom.  Kuddos for giving your babies the best! Best of all it is FREE!

The Vanishing "friends" of a Special Needs Parent

I've been feeling rather bitter lately thinking about all the so-called friends I used to have. As I look though my phone's contact list where I used to have a list to scroll down of people's contact info. People I used to hang out with, go shopping with, dinner together etc. Now those names slowly one by one have been deleted from my life and replaced with doctors offices, schools, and therapists' numbers. Where I used to have someone I could call upon at anytime when I was bored, feeling the need to go blow money etc, there is only a small handful of 3-4 people that have stuck by me and listen to my rants about my daily struggles.

In recent months I have really looked at who my friends really are.

• You have the true hard core friends that will go out of the way for you as I would for them dragging there 2,3,4 kids along with them. Your lucky to have 1 of this type friend in your life I am lucky to have 2 not counting my family members.
• You have your convenience friends...these "friends" new and old that only call or talk to you if they want something from you or have a question. Rather it be money, free food, extra medical supplies, baby sitter, etc.
• Friends of similar circumstance...I have made a lot of these friends local and distant. These for me are mothers of multiples or of a disabled child. Great for support, but most are not ones I call and talk to...mainly we all have to many children combine to see each other in person. LOL
• Co-worker friends. Yeah I was really disappointed in this area. I had a lot of co-worker friends. Used to go out and have a good time after work on the weekends, get invited to each others kids parties and various other activities. I was really hurt when I delivered my baby at the same hospital I worked at and not ONE person went out of their way that I worked with to visit or even call. I did get a baby shower before I left so I know they do care. I have little to no contact with most of these "friends" since I left my job 6 months ago. I do have a select few that lurk(on facebook) but we don't talk like we used to. I did feel good that I got invited to one of my old co-workers good-bye lunch after she was laid off. For the most part outside of a few facebook lurking old co-worker friends I have been abandon.
• Then there are the facebook only friends. I have people I have given a lot of myself to in the past that have friended me on facebook, and comment, but basically want to know your business but really nothing to do with you personally. I'm guilty of this myself. I enjoy seeing updates of old high school friends etc and staying connected. I have facebook friends that I talk to more on FB, texting and phone more so than some of my local "friends".
• Then there are those friends that just flat out abandon you...people that you once thought of as family, people that you used to talk to on a regular near daily bases, that just stop calling and respond to text etc. This hurts. Makes me wonder what I did wrong. I feel like I am in a different "class" than some of these people now. I don't fit in their click because our incomes are different, to many children, children that aren't "normal", mainly just feel unimportant to them anymore. They have taken what they could from me and no longer have a need to talk to me.

This being said. I recently went down my facebook list of "friends" I have really NO friends that are not of facebook. It really opened my eyes to how many people have been in my life and moved on at one point. I have had a lot of people come in and out of my life. I realized then how little true LOCAL friends I really had. I have made quite a few friends from different parts of the country that have shared like stories as my own, that I can talk to about everyday life of for support. Tons of people friended me for updates on the triplets and Jacob in general mostly. I spent hours weeding though people, deciding who really should see what I post and pictures I post. The point of my blogs was to update on my family, so I don't really see a need for strangers to see everything in my social network. I unfriended a lot of high school people that I was never really friends with in high school, I unfriended lots of people that I had no freaking clue who they were, I unfriended people I once loved as my own family, but realized they don't really care about me or my children. My list of 250 people is down to a mere 100 or so...lol mere 100 he he...I think it is weird that I can actually tell you how I know each and every one of those people if their name popped up, but no way I could name 100 people I know off the top of my head.

After over 3 years of battling depression and financial hardship, I think I am finally ready to stand up again and move forward. I have been living my life in idle since I was pregnant with the triplets. Once they were born early, I felt the world revolved around their health and well being. Then after Logan's death, the world revolved around Jacob's health and therapies. poor Andrew has always been the odd man out and now demands his attention. Now that Jacob is 3 and has lost home services. 3 of my 4 living children are in school now. I have had time to rest, time to think, time to regroup myself and wonder what is next. I still feel stuck, that I can't work and have lost my career for right now due to childcare and Jack's schedule. I'm ready to embrace my true friends, not enable people any longer that always wanted to take from me and were never there to just be my friend, maybe become more involved in my children's schools (though I think they hate me...true story), ready for walks in the park, lunch dates and to just live and enjoy life again with my children, my husband, my family, and my friends. I will no longer dwell on who I feel is not my friend anymore. I will simply delete them from my life. LOL I really spend to much time on facebook.

Halloween mishap

Wednesday we took the children trick or treating. They all were pirates. About a 20 minute walk from our house or so Jacob got hurt. My husband was pushing him. He parked the wheel chair at the endge of the driveway at a house. Be put the left break on and took his hands of the chair I believe to catch Andrew. The right wheel rolled from the incline of the driveway and from the left wheel being locked, I guess the speed caused the chair parked on the incline to fall over on its side with Jacob (Thank God) strapped all the way in....we considered leaving the chest harness off so you could see his entire costume and decided against it. His head hit the IV pole and his knee hit the ground. He was crying a lot and his legs had tremors in both legs which he has not had since May when he got his 1st round of phenol and botox. I took him home and looked at him in he light. I gave him Valium and that stopped the tremors. When Jack got home with the rest of the kids I had him take him to the ER to get checked. All was well just some bumps. Almost 36 hours later he has a horrible black eye. It didn't look bad until In seen him after school on Friday. Looks like he was punched. Hope it starts to heal soon.

I fed Hannah "real food" for the 1st time last night outside of Jack and my friend Jill giving her things off their fingers before. She bad whole wheat rice mixed with breast milk and a little bit of banana. She really liked it and ate the entire amount I made. Today I made the same mix and fed Hannah and Jacob. Jacob did not appreciate this at all.

Jacob has been super moody. Can you blame him? His parents who should protect him accideny let his wheel chair flip...2nd wheel chair accident in less than a year. I really do not like that chair!

Ava is doing great learning to read and do math. She is picking up on her site words really fast at school now. Today she took her flash cards and made sentences for "fun". I was tickled by this.

Andrew is wild, but definaty learning at school. He comes to me and counts to 7 correctly and tells me most colors correctly. I am still concerned he has some sensory issues. I have rely cut back on the amount of pediasure he gets. He near lives on peanut butter sandwiches.

Hannah will be 6 months old in a few days. She can sit for a few minutes alone. Loves eating her feet and loves to scoot around on her belly on the floor.

OCTOBER 15TH Remembering Our Babies

For my son Logan and all the other babies that left this world much sooner than we wanted. until we meet again....

School days = germs and BUGS

So our household has a pretty darn tight routine down regarding school now. We wake up at 6:15. Mommy has to pump milk for the baby while Ava showers and dresses. By 7:15am I have all the kid dressed and fed in some form. Andrew usually only takes pediasure. Jacob hooked to his tube feeding and meds, Hannah has a bottle of breast milk, and Ava eats chicken nuggets or pancake and sausage on a stick almost every morning. LOL I load all 4 children into the car and drop Ava off at school 2 minutes down the road. I come back home unload 3 children. I finish getting the boys ready for school, shoes, socks, DAFOs, and hand braces. I get Jacob into his wheel chair and wait for the bus while I pump some more. After the boys are off to school it is just Hannah and me. I usually take advantage of some major nap time lasting into the early afternoon hours with Hannah and get near nothing done. Of course the days that Jack is not working I have help. He gets up with me and takes Ava to school, helps with the boys and usually takes them out to the bus.

Since school has started we have had 3 rounds or respiratory infections requiring antibiotics for all 4 children once. Andrew just got a 2nd round of antibiotics today for a double ear infection. My children have never had more fevers in such a short time in their lives since school has started. Ava brings it home and Andrew licks everything at school. Jacob, for the most part has been spared from the worst of it. Thank God. Ava brought home some critters in her hair about 2 weeks ago....and she had them for at least a week before I found them. I have not had to deal with head lice since I was in middle school. I DO NOT look forward to this happening to me again

So here is the story. I notices her digging at her head towards the beginning of the week. I checked her hair a few time and seen NOTHING. I checked her hair probably 15 times just spot checking it. So, she was really digging her head Friday almost 2 week ago. I even wrote a FB post about how she was digging like she had lice and I didn't see them. I covered her head with baby oil gel just to see what happened with the itching. About 3 hours later I took her into the bath tub to wash it out. As I was looking I seen something that caught my eye. I pull it out. It is dead. A nasty ADULT SIZE louse. I check her head some more and I find FIVE lice right off the bat. I also notice HUNDREDS of nits! I freak out. I'm panicking. I'm now itching my head. Everything I found was dead from the gel I assume. I get dressed and drive in full panic mode to the nearest drug store. I buy nearly $50 worth of suggestions to un-infest my house (thank God it was payday week). Jack is now in full on clean mode vacuuming, laundry, stripping beds. We treated everyone's head and I spent several hours going though her hair. I found a total of FOURTEEN lice. I do believe we treated our heads way more than the recommend amount of time of the course of the weekend using RID and dog shampoo LOL. I took her back to school that following Monday with a clean head. I combed my own head over and over again and have not found anything. My sister found a few nits when she checked. I will forever be paranoid to get my hair cut that they will find nits in my hair. I have treated and combed my head almost every other day. I'm sure this can not be good for me. I have had several people check my head and find nothing. I SWEAR I FEEL THEM CRAWLING. I will now forever be scared about head lice infesting my house again.

I recently went to parent teacher meetings for both boys discussing where they are developmentally. Jacob was 1st. I was surprised she score him where she did. Physically he is 2-4 months which I expected and knew. I assume cognitively he was about the same, but she described him as 9-12 months in some areas because the way he distinguishes mainly sounds and how he responds. The fact that he recognizes and show delight mainly to Mickey Mouse Club House. They have some pretty ambiguous goals for him. I hope they can help find the key to unlock some of his potential.

I was surprised how low Andrew scored in some of his testing. Some areas were as low as 24 months and other around 30 which is about what I expected. We are meeting to write a new IEP for him on Thursday. The boys are currently almost 39 month. Andrew has a lot of behavior problems and impulse control issues at school. He rarely eats food and is near dependent on pediasure to keep his weight up which reminds me that I did not blog about the boys 3 year old well visits Jacob 33lbs and 38.5 inches...his weight was up 6 pounds since his nissen fundoplication surgery on July 5th. He was in the 50% for his weight and no longer considered failure to thrive. His GI doctor actually cut his calories back. Andrew weighed in at 30lbs in the 25% and 37 inches. We discussed my concerns about Andrew having a possible sensory issue that we plan to test for at school. We got referrals for occupational and speech therapy for feeding for him.

Hannah is a happy very laid back baby. Andrew was to, so I'm very worried about what the future will bring for her personality, because Andrew is BAD. LOL Her last weight over a month ago was 15lbs 4oz and 26 inches. She turned 5 months old yesterday. She coos, laughs, smiles, grabs and reaches for things now. She turns herself in circles on the floor and rolls to her back and to her stomach now.

Ava is doing well in school. She never gets in trouble. We fight over homework time almost every night. She is learning sight words, working on hand writing, and numbers, and basic math. She had her kindergarten school pictures today. I can't wait to see them. She is on synthroid for hashimoto's thyroiditis. We both have this and take medication for it. She is really good at taking the pill everyday. She is still over weight, but I notice she is not begging for food as much as she used to. I'm hoping she maintains and eventually evens out. She is about 55lbs now at 5 years 4 months. We of course all need to work on healthier eating habits.

Sorry if I'm repeating anything I wrote about before. I feel like I have not really caught up the blog in a long time especially since Hannah was born. I have been keeping records for Jacob and Hannah on their own blogs and everyone else kinda gets left out which also reminds me about 2 weeks ago Jacob had another round of phenol and botox injections in his legs. his left leg abductor is to loose and his leg rotates out pretty bad. His hamstrings are still slightly tight, but he sits with his legs spread apart now and has much better range.

There are some GREAT groups of parents on facebook that have created large groups with thousands of member to trade, buy, donate, and sell medical equipment from dressing changes, g-tube supplies, and large pieces of durable medical equipment. I have been able to snag a few pieces of equipment pretty cheap considering the cost of new. Today his Convaid Easy Rider wheel chair stroller came in for the cost of a $100 "donation" and $25 for shipping. I also got a special tomato seat liner for $65 including shipping which I really didn't need in the end and plan to resell for what I paid. I bought it to go inside his stroller, but I also bought a pretty neat little product called a Snuggin Go Too body positioner for his chair that works great. I am going to review them more on his blog later at www.sqcp.blogspot.com.

We have had quite a time adjusting to 1 income. I can't believe it has been 5 months since I left my job already. We were able to pay off our car to save us a huge car payment and Jacob gets some SSI but not the full amount, but itsure does help. I make sure I put some in his money in his savings and always look for things to help him every month. We live on pennies compared to before. It was a struggle having to pay for all of Jacob's medical cost before on my insurance plan when I worked. Jack's insurance is way worse with higher costs, so if I went back to work we would loose SSI and his medicaid again. If I worked full time I would have to find after school care more than likely for the children and daycare for Hannah. Assuming Jack's insurance stayed the main insurance we would still be in the same hole we are now after child care and medical costs. I feel lost. If I work PRN on the days Jack is home we would still loose SSI and loose the benefit of his medicaid to cover the cost of what the private insurance does not cover. I feel like I am stuck and I can't move forward. I love staying home with my children, but we actually have a low enough income to qualify for food stamps without the SSI. With the SSI we qualify for nothing. It is a struggle to make ends meet, but we are doing okay. I have learned to eat at home and cook more. We do free things more often. Overall, it is good for us. We are eating less fast food and have been more active. It has been a hard adjustment for me to fee like I had no money before to really having hardly any money left over now. I have learned to plan and have already started planning and buying for Christmas so my children can have a nice Christmas. I have actually started doing Swag Bucks. I started on my birthday (9/26) and have already earn $25 worth of amazon.com gift cards. I should have enough to get another $5 gift card by tomorrow. My goal being to make enough over the next month 1/2 to help toward the cost of a Kindle Fire for my children for Christmas. Ambitious I know, but I have a lot of time on my hands when I am pumping.

This brings me to my next topic: Breast feeding. Hannah is just like the rest of my children. She has not, and will not actually breast feed still, so my Ameda Elite pump I have had since Ava was born has been my daily companion. I was very worried I would loose my milk supply like I have with previous births. Ava it dropped around 4-6 months and was nothing by 9-10 months. The boys it was gone by the time Logan died at 6 1/2 months. So far I am happy to report I happily over produce by nearly double what I need. i spend about $50 a month in breast milk storage bags, but I have been able to donate at least 1500oz of breast milk to another mother who does not produce enough for her twins. It may be more than that. I have donated all of June and July's milk to her and she is about to get August milk for lack of space in TWO deep freezers that are full to the top. May's milk was in the expensive little storage bottles, so I am actually still working on going through May's milk once a day with Hannah.

Depression has been up and down with Jack and I both. It is hard for me with the breast feeding and lack of health insurance to do anything about it. Some days I am okay, others I don't want to get out of bed. I have no energy most of the time and force myself to get up and do things. Jack has been working hard and does his best to help me. He really is a great husband and a wonderful husband even though I give him a hard time...he is still crazy though. Anyone that know him know this already and we all love and accept him. :-) LOL He is working on loosing weigh (as I should be and haven't) and has lost close to 20lbs now and sees a weight loss and also now his primary doctor every few months. The medical bill between him and Ava are piling up at the clinic they go to. INCOME TAX can't come soon enough. There just isn't enough money to go around to pay all these extra bills. We are about to cut our cell phone back to prepaid services soon to help save.

I know the new year is months away, but that is the one thing that keeps my mind going forward financially is to get ahead a little at tax time. I have borrowed from my children's saving accounts and need to replace it. We owe Jack's parents a large amount of money for a pluming bill they covered for us. We need some money put away for emergencies and just maybe IF there is anything left we desperately need a new couch. It is broken, smelly, and has holes. Jack is the HOA president  in our subdivision and I told him he needed to find another house to host the meeting at because I don't want someone to come sit on our smelly broken furniture. I hoped to buy a wheel chair van between income tax time and possibly selling our car. I just don't think it will happen for us this year and I don't expect to get a huge return. I will probably have to pay penalties for taking out my 401K early when i left my job to pay the car off. Which bring me to my last subject I think...I have plans to go down to the local Center for Independent Living and fill out there paper work to get help with installing a hitch and wheel chair lift on the back of our van for Jacob's wheel chair and possible help with some tiny modifications inside to make it easier to get his chair in and out of the house. I hope to do it this Friday and get all the paperwork done.

One last thing. Outside of my excitement for the new stroller which will help with short term transport for Jacob we have parts on order to get his main wheel chair fitting him better. He basically only uses the big 60+ pound wheel chair at school and bus transport. The stroller will be great since it is only around 20lbs and folds umbrella style for doctors appointment and places I don't need a double stroller with the other children. We have several things we use for restaurants and friends and families houses. The stroller may replace all that other equipment we have used for seating for him.

Thanks for reading my long update. Hope I did not forget anything and I hope to keep better records for my children in the future. I'm only 2 years behind printing my blog for them now. Oy!

I miss my Logan everyday. July to January is harder months. I think about what he was doing when he was alieve and breathing this time 2009. It take a lot for me not to go back and reread my own words. I had so much hope and faith that he was going to live then. I lived in denial that Jacob was really going to be THIS disabled etc. I feel like my heart has been ripped out and stepped on when I go back and read it knowing how it has all turned out now.

Grief is like a ball of string, you start at one end and wind. Then the ball slips through your fingers and rolls across the floor. Some of your work is undone but not all. You pick it up and start over again,but you never have to begin again at the end of the string. The ball never completely unwinds. You’ve made some progress. -Author Unknown

 

♥ ♥ ♥ ʚϊɞ ♥ ♥ ♥

 

  “Life is not the way it’s supposed to be… It’s the way it is… The way we cope with it, is what makes the difference.”

 

  ♥ ♥ ♥ ʚϊɞ ♥ ♥ ♥

 

The new Convaid chair with the Snuggin Go Too behind himsee that crazy left leg doing it's own thing. The face was from the flash on the camera LOl

Andrew after school one day with his "prize" for being good at school.

I made Ava sleep like this before I got all the nits out of her hair...my head itches looking at this picture

The new fall flowers for Logan's grave 5 branches of those red ball things for each one of out children and 3 butterflies for each one of our triplets

Ava took this picture at our Saturday picnic a few weeks ago.

We visited daddy at work durinf his lunch time for our picnic

me putting on makeup for the 1st time in years

Andrew is Ava's "doll" she painted his nails pink, gave him pony panties and a nice sponge bob night gown. Andrew was extremely happy about it.

I LOVE dressing Ava up in her little school uniforms!

Jacob sitting up at Shriner's. Don't let the picture fool you. he sat like this for about 4.5 seconds before falling over, but 4.5 seconds is better than nothing. He is wearing all his daily hardwear.

 

Bad Children

I was up late last night until about 3am. I was woke up by a little girl who proclaimed "Mama! It's day time!" at around 8:30 this morning. Jack and I get up and do the morning routine. 3 diapers to change, medications and a tube feeding to start, I had to pump milk for the baby, and eggs for the rest of us. Around 1030 after I finished pumping a 2nd time, I felt a little naptine coming on. Jacob was just put up in his gait trainer, we locked the kitchen and chained the front door, we turned the house alarm on so the kids could not ex cape. The 2 walking children were playing nicely in the living room watching Disney Junior. All seemed content and a perfect time for a 45 minute nap. I set the alarm on my phone to get up in 45 minutes. The baby was with us and had already fallen asleep. About every 5 minutes after I played down Ava would come and yell "Mama! Andrew did --- and Andrew did ---" I was thinking they couldn't cause to much damage. About 20 minutes into the suppose to be nap time Ava chases Andrew into our bedroom and he has a big bottle of baby powder. I take it and hide it in the window seal...I also notice the hard white substance already painted on his back. I was think well it will still be there in 15 minutes lets take advantage of this nap time. Well, 5 minutes later Ava comes screaming "Andrew did it. He made a huge mess" I yell at them to get out. They are running up and down the hall and shaking the gait trying to get into the kitchen. I lay there and wait for the alarm. I get up and face the great unknown with Jack. We enter to a snowy wonderland in the living room. Powder from the dining room (baby cage area) changing table, under the changing table, all across the living room floor, under the couch, on the couch. EVERYWHERE. There is also tooth paste on all the Mickey mouse toys and on Andrew's back. Lesson of the day: Don't take nap time unless all children are properly caged, sedated, or duct taped to chairs. The pictures don't even give the justice of the baby powder film on everything. We made them clean it up all by themselves.

My babies 1st days of school 3 seperate days for us!

Jacob's 1st day of school at Achievement Academy 8/6/12. Naturally he slept though it.

Last minute Achievement Academy had an opening for Andrew so instead of him starting ESE preschool at Ava's school he joined Jacob at his school....as you can tell they were thrilled. LOL

Andrew's "What did I do wrong" face when I was yelling at him to stay still for this picture. His 1st day at Achievement Academy was 8/10/12

Big sister Ava walked him to class. She is a great big sister!

The boys started school 2 weeks before the rest of the public schools...so today, the day that the public school started he had his 1st wheel chair lift and bus ride 8/20/12..he slept through this too.

Andrew was and still is super excited about riding the bus. He did not even cry...not on his 1st bus ride or his 1st day of school.

Bye Mom! I'm a big boy now!

The bus leaving from infront of our house with my baby boys in it...I could not help but realize I should have been sending 4 children off to school this day not 3.

Getting ready to take my big Kindergardener to her 1st day of school 8/20/12

Not even a tear from this big girl. Mommy was sad I could not walk her to class...she has to be dropped off before the bus picks her brothers up, so they have to come along for the ride and the car rider line..blah NOT A FAN of the car rider line so far.

Someone that is not Ava's mommy walking my baby to class :-(

They all had great 1st day of school and so far really enjoy going. I am LOVING the peace and quiet and quality time with baby Hannah.

Andrew and Jacob's 3rd Birthday Party

Didn't have quite the extravagant party we usually do, but the boys enjoy their little party especially Mickey Mouse!

We had their party on their actual Birthday but it was late in the day after daddy came home from work. I ordered pizza for everyone. We had Aunt Fiki, Michael and Gavin come over. Also, Grandma and Grandpa Gunter came with Uncle Matt with loads of gifts. Andrew got the Dancing Mickey from us. Jacob got the Mickey Mouse DVD with the remote. The small mickey came from Jacob's speech therapist. Logan made his appearence in the picture since it was his Birthday too :-)

Cake came from Publix Andrew still takes the toon plane everywhere with him.

Andrew blowing out the Candles for himself and his brother.

Jacob also got a new custom headrest for his seat2go. Made by his Great Aunt Sheila's work. I padded and covered it in the Mickey fabric. He loved eatting the frosting on the cake

I put this up in the boys' room. I love it!

Jacob got a new Special Tomato chair! He loves it and sits much better in it than his Tumble Form 2 chair.