I found myself flipping through some facebook pictures as I lay in bed. This picture just hit me like a ton of bricks. His last and 1st Christmas. I can see his presents at the foot of the blanket. I don't have very many pictures of him looking directly at me. This one just pierced my heart. I get so wrapped up in my worries for Jacob and my own self pity these days that my heart sometimes forgets how bad it aches for him. I wish so badly that everything was different. Why can't I be celebrating 3 healthy 2 year olds birthday next Monday. There should be a 3rd crib in my house! I wish I could take the last 2 years back and have a do over. I wish my family could be happy and whole again. It has been almost 2 years since their birth and nearly a year and a half since his death. I don't think we will ever pick up all the pieces and put them back together.
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