After a horrible night sleep full of graphic nightmares and cramping and constant back pain all night. I had an appointment nice and early at 930 with Dr. Barrett. I worried yesterday because I passed this wonderful gross greenish clear huge snotty clump...then all the pain after that. I told the doctor about all of this today and he checked me and said my cervix is closed and long still which is wonderful. He says my uterus is past full term now, but all 3 babies are growing well and had 3 healthy appearing heart beats. My discomfort I assume is from 1 of the babies laying transverse across the bottom of my uterus. I feel strong kicks all over and don't worry about them not being healthy anymore. The depression has really started to hit me and I am trying desperately to ward it off. I have been out of work since Saturday and sit at home and constantly think about how to pay all my bills which is an awful thing. I need to find something to do so I don't have to think about it. I know everything is in God's hands and there is nothing I can do to change anything and that God's will will ultimately prevail. Oh well I will sit here and try to remain positive and wait for my next visit in 3 weeks July 13th. I have another ultrasound with the u/s tech this day.
I feel so bad for Ava that she craves attention and has all this energy and constantly wants to play and go bye bye and I can hardly muster the energy to get up and go to the bathroom and at same time I am going nuts from sitting here. I wish I would work still...then atleast I would still have something to look forward to every week instead of just the next doctor visit. Poor Ava has been wonderful for the most part though she asks me all day "Are you okay mommy?" and "your my mommy" "Hi mommy" lol then she will say "mommy's fine."
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